for two people to be on the same in a relationship. A wanted more and I thought that I wanted less, I asked for a day off and he gave me a lot less then I wanted and now I miss him more then ever and feel panicky that he is pulling away because I wanted to less so now I want more and he is giving me less.
He has been staying with me since Thu but he has been so cold that it almost feels like he was not here at all….he had an intervore today in Mountain View where he will take a job that gives him an apt and he will move there so I can get my space but the thought of it given he sharp pain in my chest. he will move there and I will get my weekdays to myself and the relationship will take its couse according to him. It sounds very mechanical….he asked me today if it would be ok for him to go to his place today because he has lots of paper work to do but if he wanted to spend time with me, he would have came back to my place. I miss him, we have bearly touched and looked at each other in the past two weeks, thing just spiraled so quickly and my brother is coming on Sunday and he is leaving on Wed and will be back on Sunday. First he said he would dive Thu to Sat but now since I guess I want my space, he changed his mind and will be away for 5 days.
To be on the same page…
A has been in such a pissy mood since he gt out of the hospital and I guess I dont blame him, he has been in pain but yesterday he left better and it was his bday but we really did not do anything, I got him a slice of his marzipan cake that he could not eat and then went to his office and got some things and ordered some Indian food and watched a movie.
I got there at 4:30pm and left at 8:45pm, the dr said that he was running a special three hernias for the price for one. He did not have to cut and it went well but since he was in terrible pain, they decided to keep him for one night so I will go back tomorrow around 10am to pick him up. He is ok tho.
A has a surgery today at 12:45pm, 3 days before his bday. I hope everything will go ok and without any complications.
I could not sleep last night after walking out on A in hayward and him not calling me, it was not like him, I could not sleep, my hernia was bothering me again so I text him at 1am wanting for him to come over so I can get some sleep next to him, it turns out that after I left A started to feel chest pains and his gingers got numbs and could not breath and barely made it to Redwood City emergency room, he had internal hernia as well that needs to be operated within 48 hours. he will speak with his Dr today at 2pm and see when is it scheduled for.
On another note, my brother is coming to see D graduate !!! I am so excited and I know that D will be so so happy.
A kind of moved in with me, he has been staying more and more at my place and at some point even D said that A is living with us and even tho we did not really talk about and I always told him that I wanted to take things slow, after 6 months of dating, the man kind of moved in, he has been staying the night every single night and it was great until I realized that he is always at my place and I felt like married old couple and I felt like I could not breath, I waited too long, I should have asked him while back what was going on and that is not what we talked about but we did not so just last MOnday I asked him while my blood was boiling and I holding my tongue to give me a day to myself and now it is week later and it seems that we have broken up. This feel like such a dejavue since about 8 months ago I was having a break up with R.
I believe that A does not know how to find balance and he does not know how to find it, he does the oposite of it, we have not really taked face to face until today, we had a fight on Wednesday and he just withdrew and went out of town until this morning and I told him how I felt via email, he cannot find balance therefore we are no longer together,
I admitted that I had soem things to work on and apparently if it is my my way, it is the highway which he is not the first person to tell me that, I told him that I wanted to work on that but he gets so quiet and just does not say anything.
On another more happier note, I had the best mother’s day with my son, I went out the night before with the girls so I slept in until 11am ! we went to the Alameany flea market and go soe papusas and then went by the pool and played Monopoly and he bought me two beautiful bunches of roses, off white and orange and we ordered Indian take out and he set the table with candles and it was perfect. just perfect.
Is it very bad of me to me coocked up in my home when there weather in SF was in 70’s . well I did that…watching “Scandal.”
is good for repairing your liver, i am goingto get some , 30 drop in water daily
Yesterday marked one year since I started going to the gym, I have not lost any weight but gained muscle mass because I am wearing smaller size in clothes - from 16 to 10/12; I feel great and have abundance of energy…be good to your body; it will thank you.
Damn, I drove 200 miles each way to Seattle to find out yesterday that Amaluna is coming to SF !
Still juicing but I am eating some things….I went out to East Bay on Sunday and applied SPF 8 and did not really get tan so yesterday I left work at noon and went out to tan by the pool from 12:30 until 3:30pm and I put some SPF 8 on my legs and nothing on my back and lowered my bikini and I got soo burned that the heat is raising up from it. I slept on my stomach the whole night while A applied aloe vera on me. He called me this morning his lobster.
I added beets to my juice and it became beautifully deep red color and little bit sweeter. I really wanted to eat something but just ate the apple and carrot pulp with some honey,
I am very sore today, I have been doing boxing for two days and today I have a hard time moving, i did ot go to te gym and I need to bike to work because A went to see his mom, its her bday, so I am on my own. The only good thing is that it is going to be 75 degrees today the warm weather will motivate me to get going’ the juicing is not bad, I think the first day it has been the worst. I have 5oz of yogurt in the Am and 2oz of salmon in the PM and that makes be more stable, I was feeling very dizzy on Monday after work but after eating some proteins I was much better.